


Dear Journal, Signed Tamara

by salup



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Elana is mentioned too, F/F, Paula and Patrycia are mentioned, Tamara is really oblivious in this tbh, This is sort of an AU so ye
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:15:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22232386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/salup/pseuds/salup
Summary: Tamara Thompson lives with her two friends and her arch nemesis.  She happened to fall in love with one of them, and turns to the other for advice.Follows the life of Tamara, half journal form and half actual writing.
Relationships: Ell/Tamara (Eddsworld), Matilda/Tori (Eddsworld)
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Mostly written in boring classes so like

Dear Journal,

Matilda told me to keep a journal because apparently I seemed stressed. It's a reasonable accusation. I guess I'll introduce myself and my friends...? I don't know.

I'm Tamara Thompson. I have two friends, Ell and Matilda. Another girl lives with us and her name is Tori. She really is something. I hate her personally, but everyone else doesn't. In fact, Matilda asked her out. And she accepted. 

Ell likes her platonically. Why, I don't know. Ell is... perfect... and Tori, well, she isn't. Ell is gorgeous and sweet. Tori is .... not either of those things. 

I'd love to ramble about Ell. I won't, because my hand is starting to hurt and I'm bored with this already. 

That's it I guess,

Tamara

"What do you mean, we're out of Coke?!"

That's what Tamara was woken up to. Ell's yelling. At Matilda. 

She grumbled to herself and slipped on her classic blue hoodie, not bothering to put her hair up. She shuffled out of her room to the kitchen, where Matilda was standing, looking very guilty, and Tori was watching it all unfold, looking amused. Ell looked a little angry, and she had her arms crossed. Her eyes flitted to Tamara for a half second, and Tamara felt her stomach go all fluttery.

"C'mon, Tam, tell her that she should've told me earlier," said Ell.

"M'tired, Ell," Tamara grumbled. "You tell her."

Tori stifled a laugh. "Isn't it your job, to make sure _your_ Coke gets restocked?" 

"Hey, you lay off of her!" snapped Tamara.

Tori rolled her eyes and stood up. "I'll leave you idiots to it." she said, leaving the room.

Ell sighed and sat down. "I guess we'll have to get some more."

"Obviously," said Tamara with a hint of a laugh.

"Hey!" Matilda said, raising a finger comically, "How about you and Tamara go, and me and Tori stay home?"

Ell and Tamara's eyes met, and they burst out laughing. "I-I see how it is, Matilda," Tamara said. 

She turned to Ell. "I just woke up, I'm not going to the store with you." 

They stood there awkwardly. 

"Okay," Ell said.

Matilda glared at Tamara. 

"Guess I'll go..." Ell said.

"Yeah," Tamara huffed.

She watched as Ell picked up the car keys and felt her cheeks go warm. Ell put her hair up, slipped sandals on, and went out the door. Tamara sighed, content.

"I know you love her."

Tamara turned around to see Matilda looking right at her. "Well yeah, she's one of my best friends."

"No. You're _in_ love with her."

"Pff, no. I'm straight."

Matilda raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure." 

It wasn't a question. It was a statement.

"Yeah...?"

She crossed her arms. "You aren't sure."

Tamara swallowed. "No, I'm not." she let herself admit that.

Matilda sighed, and twirled a lock of her ginger hair. "You aren't straight, Tam."

"Only Ell can call me that." 

"Okay, jeez." she laughed. "You should shoot your shot."

"No."

"You're being really blunt, Tamara."

"How would you feel if I pressured you about Tori?"

Matilda sucked on one of her cheeks. "Yeah. Fair." 

Tamara slid into an empty seat. She pulled out her journal that Matilda told her to keep. "I wrote in this."

Matilda looked into Tamara's black eyes. "Good. I'm not going to read that, you know. It's private."

"Tori migh-" she cut herself off, remembering who she was talking to. "Never mind."

"Talk to her more."

"I've known her since high scho- hey! Don't change the subject on me!"

"You did with the journal."

"mm. Shut up. It's too early for this."

"It's 11:30, Tamara."

"Ugh. Screw this, I'm going back to my room."

"Ookay. Have fun repressing feelings for people for the rest of your life."

"I'll keep that in mind." 

"Oh, have fun, Tammy!" Tori yelled from the living room. 

She ignored her. _What's the use in listening to her?_ she asked herself. _She has no idea what it's like._

She slumped on her bed and picked up a pen, clicking it annoyingly. "What does she know?" she asked out loud, whether it was about Matilda or Tori, she didn't know.


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Journal,

I guess I'm not straight. That was a given. 

I think I'm in love with Ell. She probably doesn't love me, because she's way out of my league. 

It's unfair how life plays out for me, I guess.

\- Tamara 

"Tamara, you've been really quiet recently." said Ell. They were all in the living room, the TV playing ads. 

Tamara's face heated up. She looked Matilda, desperate for an excuse.

"Oh, you know." she said after 30 seconds of naked silence. 

Ell raised an eyebrow. "Yeah..." she said.

"Hey, Matilda. Lemme show you how to do makeup." Tori said suddenly.

"Wha-" Tori grabbed Matilda's arm and dragged her to her room. 

"Ah." said Ell. "Yeah."

Tamara blushed again. "Yep."

Ell looked at Tamara. "Are you okay?" 

"Hm? Oh, yeah. Totally."

"Are you sure?" Ell prodded. "You've seemed off all day."

"Yeah, really. It's fine."

Ell felt like Tamara was wrong, but didn't pressure her more. 

"So... did you get more Coke?" 

"Yes." Ell looked confused by that question; the answer was always obvious. Ell would do anything for Coca Cola. 

The TV show came back on.

"What show is this?" Tamara asked, mentally slapping herself in the forehead. It was so obviously a rerun of one of their shared favorite shows: _The Children._

"Uh," Ell said. " _The Children_... Tamara, are you sure you're okay?"

Tamara didn't know herself at this point. Did acknowledging a crush make it worse? 

"Yeah, you're- I mean, I'm fine, I'm alright!"

Matilda returned with purple eyeshadow and fake eyelashes on. "Tell Tori I hate her." she said.

"You don't, Matilda, or you two wouldn't be a thing." said Ell, putting her attention onto Matilda.

"It was a joke." said Matilda. 

"I know," said Ell. "I was testing you."

Tamara giggled. Did she really love this girl? 

Matilda huffed. "Well, I need makeup remover. Do you have any?"

"I think so." said Tamara.

"Oh, thank you." said Matilda. "You're a lifesaver!"

Ell's eyebrows furrowed, but she didn't say anything. 

Tamara led Matilda to her bedroom, where she gave Matilda makeup remover. 

"Thank you!" she chirped.

"It's not an issue," said Tamara.

Matilda led herself out of the room. "Are you coming?" she asked.

"No." said Tamara.

"Why not?" she stuck out her lip. "Ell is out there, and based off a recent study I just made, she likes you back."

"'Study'? Matilda, what did you say to her?"

"Nothing about what you said."

"You didn't answer my question."

"I asked her about you. She showed signs of attraction. Okay?"

"Get out."

"Jeez."

Tamara wanted to be alone. She looked at her bed, seeing her stuffed bear she kept from high school. Ell had given it to her for her birthday. She didn't know why she kept it back then, but she knew now. She had Matilda to thank for that.

She snatched a hair tie from her dresser and pulled her hair up. She had it up in an angle to where her dirty blond hair was sticking up, and a little bit was framing her face. She took off her hoodie to leave her plain gray tank top and jeans left visible.

_A day out wouldn't hurt._


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Journal,

Earlier, I left the house because everyone was annoying me, except her. Of course.

While I'm here, I guess I'll describe her to get it out of my system.

Ell. She's brunette and has shoulder length hair which she often keeps up in a ponytail. Her eyes are such a pretty brown and her cheeks are a slight pink ... does she wear blush? I think so. She also wears lip gloss. The way she obsesses over Coke is adorable, I can't help liking her. Also she's taller than me. And Matilda. And Tori.

This didn't help at all.

\- Tamara 

Tamara walked through a random neighborhood, desperate for an escape from her thoughts of Ell, but everything reminded her of her: the green of the leaves, the runner with her hair pulled back, the empty Coke can. 

She didn't feel like doing anything about it, despite not wanting to think about it. Ell made her happy, and everything else she went to when not knowing to do was to think about her parents. She did not like that.

She ran into a part of the sidewalk that split into a hiking trail, and she had nothing to lose by going on it, so she did. She drew a bad doodle of Ell in the woods, and that's when she decided to go back home to confront her feelings.

She didn't, though.

Instead, she turned the other direction to go deeper in the woods. It was getting late, the sunlight was dimming, and it was getting chilly. If she turned around, maybe she could get home before complete darkness, but she didn't. In fact, she ran in that direction, falling multiple times and gaining many scrapes and cuts. 

When it turned dark, she remembered that she forgot her cell phone. 

Around that same time, she realized that it was cold. Oddly cold.

She couldn't go back then, either. She couldn't see. 

This was bad.

She sat on the ground, afraid to lay down. 

There she let herself sit for almost an hour.

"I might as well try to sleep," she muttered to herself.

She rested her head on her fist and closed her eyes. 

It was really cold, she should've brought her hoodie.

Well, then again, she didn't plan on being gone long.

She was a little angry at herself. She wasn't angered easily, adding to her situation.

There were frogs croaking. And that was it. All she had for unwanted company.

Tamara opened her eyes and looked up. There were stars obscured by tree branches. 

She wanted Ell to see them with her.

She wanted to be home.

But she also wanted to run from that place.

She fell asleep conflicted. 


	4. Chapter 4

Dear Journal,

I went and spent the night in the woods with nothing on but jeans and a tank top. 

I'm proud of myself.

But not really.

\- Tamara

When she woke up, the sun was in her face and it was early. She had a suspicion that she fell asleep sometime after midnight.

So that probably wasn't healthy.

Eh, she's gone to bed-- well, passed out-- completely wasted. Sleeping in the woods for 3 hours would be fine.

She stood. Boy, she was stiff. She stretched and started down the path. She thought she knew which way she came from, and thankfully, she was right. She came out onto the neighborhood she went down the day before. 

She passed the same empty Coke can from the day before. She examined it. She recalled Ell picking up a similar can and putting a chain through it, calling it her "lucky can." She picked up the can. Maybe she'd give it to Ell?

Nah, that was stupid.

She decided to keep it. Remind her of Ell.

She made it home around 12PM. When she opened the door, she heard crying. 

"What's going on...?" she asked, entering the living room.

She was immediately filled with guilt. Ell was crying. 

She met eyes with Ell. "T-Tam?"

Tamara's eyes, as blank and emotionless they usually were, were apologetic. "I'm sorry..."

She was immediately brought into a huge bear hug. "Tam! Don't do that again!"

"I-I'm sorry..." she muttered. Ell's head was on her shoulder. Her face was probably very red.

Tori wandered into the living room to witness the scene. She didn't say anything, she just stood by the doorway and watched.

Tamara hugged Ell back. "I don't know what I was doing, Ell, I really am sorry."

"You've said it twice. I know you are." she didn't move from the position. She was talking into her back. "It's okay."

Tamara hugged Ell tighter. 

After a long time, they broke apart.

"I... need to go back to my room to wash my clothes." said Tamara.

"Oh... um, yeah. You should. Do that."

Tori burst out laughing, which made Ell jump. She glared at Tori.

"It was less than 12 hours, Ell, calm down!" she laughed. 

Tamara left the scene before she got angry at Tori for existing. 

Why did she do that? She felt immensely guilty for leaving, even for such a short amount of time. She thought about it as she ate her lunch, a sandwich. 

"Hey, uh, Tam?"

Ell. It was her. "Yep?" 

"I- um-" she looked oddly pink.

Contrary to the previous day, she was now the one to ask if the other was okay.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Y-yeah, it's just-"

She cut herself off. She seemed very flustered and actually ran away.

Tamara felt confused and concerned. Was Ell actually okay? She and her, along with Matilda and Tori, have known each other for years and she's never seen Ell act like that.

Tori walked in, giving off a very confident feel. 

"Hi, Tamara."

"What's up with Ell?"

"Oh, when you left and didn't come back when it got dark, she was a nervous wreck. Crying and all that. Thought you had gone to live with Elana or something."

"Why would she think that?"

"Do I look like a mind reader to you, Tamara?"

"You certainly act like it."

"Shut up."

Tori didn't know anything about Tamara and Ell. She just thought she did. Besides, this wasn't about the two of them, it was more just Ell.

"What did you tell her, Tori?"

"Nothing."

"You obviously did something."

"No, I didn't. You should be the one answering these questions. You came home all bruised and muddy with an empty can of Coke. Where did you go? Why did you go?"

"I... went to the woods. And found a can of Coke. That's all."

"You were gone for almost 9 hours."

"I went on a long walk."

"Did you sleep there?"

"Mm hmm."

"Did you envision Ell there with you to see the sky?"

"Ye- no, no of course not! And if I did, I wouldn't tell _you_."

"You did. So you left to escape your thoughts, but were left with only your thoughts. I did that once."

"What? You've never ran off for 9 hours."

"No, but I have ran off for 2 years."

Tamara noticed Tori's faraway gaze. "I enlisted in the army. I met two girls there, Paula and Patrycia. They were my partners, and we fought off zombies in an amusement park once. But ultimately I returned because leaving wasn't the answer I was looking for."

"... oh."

"The answer was confronting myself. Fixing old relationships. Went back to find Matilda wiped clean of memories of me. But yet I still loved her."

"... how long?"

"5 years."

Tamara couldn't believe what she was hearing. Tori getting sentimental. And turns out that she was in a similar situation. 

"So it's best to tell her."

"No. I can't. Does she even like girls? She had a boyfriend in high school."

"She's pan, and likes you. Shoot your shot, Tamara."

Tamara watched Tori leave the room without another word. Sometimes, Tori could be nice. Sometimes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is now a bad time to mention that I have an Instagram account? the @ is salup_ if anyone is interested ig.


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Journal, 

Tori can be helpful sometimes. I guess. 

She told me to tell Ell. I can't do that. It's too hard. Admitting everything, liking Ell, running away (even if it was for a few hours), that would all be too much for her.

Her could be me, too.

\- Tamara 

It was the next day. The fact that Tamara ran off for a while had worn away, and everything was back to normal. 

It was around 3PM. They were all (excluding Tori) sitting around the TV in silence. 

The show's outro played. Matilda's eyes flitted from Ell to Tamara. 

Ell looked uncomfortable, shifting around on the couch. She was sitting with Tamara for once, Matilda in the chair. 

Ell opened her mouth to say something, but closed it. 

The ad for Coke with bacon was playing annoyingly loud.

Ell turned to Tamara, shifting all her weight to face her. "L-Listen, Tam, we've known each other since high school, a-and, well, I wanted to let you know th-that I've h-had a crush on you since last year in high school." She said the last part really fast.

Tamara looked at Matilda, or where Matilda should have been, but she was gone.

"I can't say I've liked you as long." Tamara began. "I just realized two days ago. But yeah. I like you too."

Ell's eyes were wide and she was blushing madly. 

"Wait, really?"

"Mm hmm." She looked away from Ell, her face most certainly red.

"Hold on, give me a second." Ell left the room.

Tamara watched her. That scared her; did she use the right words to admit it? 

She didn't know. But she surely wanted to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a little rushed, honestly, sorry. It's not over yet, of course.   
> Might rewrite it later.


	6. Chapter 6

Dear Journal,

I don't know what happened. Ell left the room after we confessed our feelings for each other. 

Did I say the right thing? I don't think I did. I probably tanked all my chances with her.

Of course.

\- Tamara 

Tamara sat in the living room for 10 minutes. Alone. She was biting her nails, hugging her knees to her chest. 

10 minutes alone and afraid felt like hours. 

Ell finally came back after Tamara had made her demeanor seem normal, and upon seeing Tamara, she blushed and a brighter smile hinted at her lips.

"Tam."

Tamara looked up. 

"Would you like to go on a date with me?"

Tamara blinked. Ell, her crush for maybe 3 years (even if she didn't know it), had just asked her out.

"Tam?" 

Tamara looked at Ell. She was smiling expectantly. 

"Yes. Of course."

Loud cheering from the hallway scared her to a standing position. 

"Were you listening in, commie?!"

Matilda poked her head around the corner. "I'm here, too. And maybe."

Tori breezed past her. "We totally were. Good job, Jehovah's Witness."

"Commie."

"Tammy, please." Ell butted in. "It's alright."

Tamara sighed. "Fine."

Tori laughed. "Did you even plan a date, Ell?"

Ell glared at Tori. " 'course I did. It's tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? Ell, come on. You've been waiting since high school. Get yourself ready. Go to a cafe or something. Just go today."

Ell looked at Tamara. "I'm fine with it." Tamara said.

"I guess so," said Ell.

"Then go, get ready," said Matilda, gesturing to the hall.

"Matilda, I can't do makeup." said Tamara as the door closed behind them.

"Well, I can, so you should be fine."

"But... that time two days ago... with you and Tori..."

"That was a planned act to get you two alone. We both did the makeup." Matilda said bluntly. "What kind of look to you want?"

"Nothing much..." said Tamara vaguely. 

"Mascara? Eyeliner?"

"Those, I guess."

"Then let's get to work!"


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This turned out long when planning so-

Dear Journal,

Matilda is making me wait with her because she wants me to "be revealed" or something (her words, not mine).

I'm nervous, honestly. She only asked me out 20 minutes ago and we're leaving in about 10.

Everything in the past few days has been insane. If you told me that it was going to happen, I wouldn't have believed you. And I've been abducted by aliens.

\- Tamara

Tamara was dressed in what she thought was way too much for a date. Cream colored shirt, blue unbuttoned, button-up, gray dress pants, and slip-on checkered Vans. Matilda also decided that it would be best to put up Tamara's hair into a simple bun.

3 minutes after she finished getting ready, Matilda got the message that it was time to "reveal Tamara and Ell to Ell and Tamara!" in Matilda's words. She opened the door for Tamara ("I can do it myself, Matilda,") and Tamara left the room, expecting Ell to be right in front of her. She wasn't. 

"Come on, Tori..."

She traversed to the living room, where Ell was.

Oh man, she was pretty.

She was wearing a three quarter sleeve, knee high, green dress, with tan flats. Her hair was let down.

Simple and gorgeous. 

Ell extended a trembling hand and Tamara took it with her own. Ell led her out the door and to the car, Ell taking the driver's seat. She put the keys in the ignition. 

"Where to?" Tamara asked as they pulled out of the driveway. 

"That coffee place by the magic store. It's where Matilda and Tori went for their first date, and they told me it's great. So thought I'd copy them."

She glanced at Tamara out of the corner of her eye. "That okay with you?" 

"Of course!" Tamara said.

It was quiet for another few minutes. 

"What's been up the past few days?" Tamara asked.

"Oh, um. What do you mean?"

"How've you been?"

"Fine, just worrying about you."

Ell gave a small sigh. "You were acting really weirdly."

"I was." agreed Tamara.

They pulled into the parking lot. Ell let Tamara out and they went into the coffee shop. 

It was small, and very pastel themed. There were two teenaged employees looking very bored. 

"I'll pay," they both said in unison. They both laughed.

"We'll split the costs," said Ell.

She scanned the menu while Tamara admired the scenery. 

"So, what will it be, dear?" Ell asked, half joking.

Tamara went a little pink at the remark. "You know me well enough to pick something I'd like, I hope."

"Alright, two chocolate creme lattes, decaf." Ell said to the employees.

Tamara swore she heard one whisper to the other, "I can't tell if they're gay or best friends. Help."

She slid into a booth, and shortly after, Ell did too, with the drinks.

"Here ya go," she said, sliding into the seat next to her.

Ell rested an elbow on the table to look at Tamara as she sipped her drink. There was complete silence for a fee seconds.

"You're really pretty." Ell said.

Tamara took the straw out of the drink and waved it at Ell, bopping her on the arm. "You are too, doof."

Ell scooted closer to Tamara. She leaned in a little bit.

Tamara leaned in for the sake of mirroring.

Their faces were about an inch apart. Tamara was staring into Ell's eyes. They were a pretty chocolate brown, reflecting the artificial lights and some of the sunset. She was smiling a little, and it looked like she was wearing pink lipstick. 

Closing the 1 inch gap would be so easy. 

And so she did.

This is what she had wanted, this is what she had worked for, to just kiss that girl, kiss Ell Gold, and she had done it. It was making her feel light, made her feel in love, made her want more. 

Ell grabbed Tamara and pulled her closer. When they broke apart for air, Tamara took that moment to look at Ell, who was smiling. Her eyes were bright and she looked absolutely elated. 

"Okay, I know this is out first date, but..." she began, but was cut off by Tamara snatching another kiss before letting her speak.

"It's our first date, as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted-"

Tamara laughed. 

"but I love you."

Tamara went very red at this remark. "I love you too."

Ell shot a glance at the counter. One of the employees was giving them the side eye.

"We should go." she said. "Those poor employees."

Tamara nodded in agreement, handed Ell her half of the payment and watched her pay. Everything Ell did made her woozy at the moment; God, she must've been in love or drunk, did Ell drug her? But no, Ell was acting the same way. 

They went to the car and Ell was about to drive off before Tamara grabbed Ell's hand.

"Can I call you my girlfriend?"

Ell looked startled. "I thought we already were girlfriends?"

They both stared at each other for 3 seconds before bursting out laughing. 

They were laughing for a few minutes. Finally calming down, Ell started to pull out. 

When they got home, they stood between their doorways while contemplating something.

"Do you wanna...?" Tamara gestured to her room.

"Same bed only." Ell shuddered.

"Cool, I was thinking the same thing."

Ell went to her room to change into her pajamas.

Then they both got into the bed.

Tamara kissed Ell's forehead. "Good night, love." she whispered.

"Good night, Tam."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listening to Marina and the Diamonds and Panic! At The Disco for a long time while typing can get to you but it's fine ig
> 
> Also Ell is ace in this :)


	8. Chapter 8

Tamara woke up with Ell holding her. She didn't move; she was content like this for while. 

Then she got hungry.

"Ell." she whisper-shouted.

Ell didn't respond. 

"Ell." Tamara shook her slightly.

"Tam?" Ell groaned, removing her arms to stretch.

"It's morning, sweetheart," whispered Tamara.

Ell mumbled something and rolled onto her back. 

"You can wear my clothes, I guess?" said Tamara.

"I'm not undressing in front of you, Tam." said Ell. "Besides, you're two sizes smaller than me."

"Fair," said Tamara. 

"I'll meet you in the kitchen in 5, then?" Ell said, heading for the doorway. 

"I guess so," said Tamara.

Ell turned around. "Almost forgot." She gave Tamara a quick kiss and began to head to her room. 

Tamara made her way into the kitchen, where Ell was making bacon. It smelled divine, and made Tamara's mouth water.

"Can I have some?" she asked from behind Ell.

"Make your ow-" Ell began, before remembering that she was talking to her girlfriend. "Yeah, of course. I was making us some."

Tamara gave Ell a quick kiss on the cheek before sitting in a seat by the table.

Ell began to hum a tune that neither of them could identify. It was like that for a while, with Ell's sweet voice and the sizzling of the bacon being the only sounds around.

Tamara liked it that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all! Thank you for reading this; some parts of it were rushed and might be rewritten ...


End file.
